I’ve existed as an autistic person in a neurotypical world for over four decades, and it took me well into my third to discover that many neurotypical people view genuine, literal requests for information as an attempt to dodge responsibility, show someone up, or make a social or corporate power grab.
As I’ve explained in previous articles, autistic people ask questions to get answers, that’s it. A question coming from an autistic person has one function, one purpose, one meaning, and that is to learn information they are currently unaware of. There is no hidden social or professional agenda. It doesn’t exist.
The same is true for when your autistic employee says, “I don’t know how to do that” when you give them a task or an assignment. It’s a literal statement with a literal meaning, so when a neurotypical employer responds to this one-meaning, information-giving sentence with anger or offense it’s baffling to the autistic brain!
Your Autistic Employee Wants to Know How to Do That
I understand that for neurotypical people, hearing the phrase, “I don’t know how to do that” in response to a request can appear, on the surface, like an attempt to dodge responsibility or make some sort of power grab because that’s what neurotypical people do; it’s how their brains work.
Furthermore, non-verbal communication, body language, context, social hierarchy, and all of that play into communication between two neurotypical people. However, for autistic people, this is usually not the case. We rely heavily on the literal meaning of words to communicate, so if we say we don’t know how to do something, take a breath, take it at face value, and teach us how to do it!
A Note About “The Obvious” for Autistic Employees
Another related issue that comes up in communication between neurotypical employers and their autistic employees is the concept of “the obvious”.
For example, you may ask your employee to do a task with the expectation in the back of your mind that they will know how to do it because they’ve been with the company for X amount of weeks, months, years, etc., and they will have picked up on what to do from being in the environment.
Hearing, “I don’t know how to do that” in response to something that you, as a neurotypical employer, are almost 100 percent certain they would know how to do can also put your back up.
That’s because there’s a hidden bias in your expectations. Because you have a neurotypical brain that automatically picks up information from simply being in your environment, you automatically believe everyone else’s brain functions the same way.
And to be fair, I have plenty of autistic biases myself. For example, as I mentioned earlier, I had no idea for a very long time that questions and statements about not knowing how to do something had any other meaning other than a literal one to neurotypical people. I had a bias that told me that everybody else’s brain worked like mine!
This is why communication is key, and a big part of good communication is letting go of these hidden biases.
What’s obvious to you may not be obvious to someone with a brain that works differently from yours. For many autistic people, the only way we can effectively learn something is to be explicitly taught. Providing accessibility means training your employees the way they learn instead of expecting them to learn the way you teach your neurotypical employees–and then punishing them when they can’t.
The Benefit of the Benefit of the Doubt
What if you don’t know that your employee is autistic? Why if they themselves don’t know? What if they really are a neurotypical employee shirking responsibility?
Here’s where providing neurodivergent accessibility benefits all employees, not just your autistic ones. Let’s say you have an employee who really is asking questions and telling you they don’t know how to do things in an attempt to be lazy, undermine you, or some other insincere reason.
Giving them the benefit of the doubt, answering their questions, and teaching them what to do is still the best approach because it will negate the problem either way. The person who genuinely needs help will be helped, and the employee who is trying to slack off will realize their plan isn’t working.
The Takeaway
Whether your employee is sincere or being a jerk, elevating your approach to managing them will help the ones who need it while weeding out the ones who don’t. Your blood pressure goes down, your profits go up, and you become the next best company to provide a safe and accessible workplace for everyone.
Thanks for this insight, Rachel. What I’m experiencing is working with an autistic person who will not ask questions and will not acknowledge communications. As a coach it makes it close to impossible to help them. I can’t see how these behaviors will allow them to succeed at work. Any suggestions?
It’s probably because you aren’t looking at it from their perspective. There’s a very real chance that they aren’t even aware that they need to be asking questions. Also, how do you know they are not acknowledging communications? Maybe they are, but in a way you aren’t familiar with.
You have to look at it as if the autistic person is a from a different planet, with an entirely different culture and set of norms. In order to help bridge the barrier, you have to be precise and literal in your communication. Maybe even have them repeat back the essential meaning of a conversation to prevent any potential misunderstandings.
By the way, I am diagnosed with autism and ADHD 🙂
Sherri, what if you showed the employee how to do the project (or told them) and then provided a checklist (visual) with the tasks bulleted and a line next to each one. Tell the employee to put a check mark on the line if he/she finished the task and no check mark if not completed.
I would also recommend writing the directions on top of checklist for them to refer to (they’re visual learners). No check mark would indicate that you should probe and figure out what the employee doesn’t understand. Just a thought from the mom of a 31-year-old autistic son.
This is a very helpful article Jaime. I can see how saying “I don’t know how to that” could be seen as lazy. I remain baffled about how it could be seen as undermining. If you don’t know how to do something and you say so, doesn’t that make the other person seem smarter? I have read your article 3 times and still don’t get it. I am now going to search all your articles for other tips on understanding how NT bosses think
Sincere question – I have an autistic coworker who does not do any work outside of meetings, does not meet deadlines, and does not respond to direct communication. I have given her a lot of the benefit of the doubt when she comes across as “rude” but it seems she is able to criticize everyone’s work, but when someone asks “Did you finish this?” it’s always a problem.
I have rejection sensitive dysphoria as a part of my ADHD diagnosis and our personalities often clash, so I’m left masking my ADHD in order to accomodate her. How is it fair that I am not allowed to make requests of her?
A clear example: Her personal laptop broke at the beginning of the summer and she could only join meetings from her phone, and admits she does no work outside the meeting. My job offered to buy her a new computer, as they do for everyone when they request. She did not request a new computer, but was offered one anyway. My job does not even configure the computers, they just buy you a brand new one. She rejected it.
I’ve read a handful of these articles but it’s unfair to assume that all ND people just really want to work and than none are actual slackers in some way, shape, or form. If there are NT people who are not equipped for the job, then that must be true of ND people. As an ND person myself, there are plenty of jobs I am not equipped for, even with reasonable accommodations.
At this point her conduct is impeding on our work and she is using more resources than she is putting into the organization. At what point is it okay to realize she is not contributing whatsoever?